


Dreams

by TheMurderousTentmaker



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Please Forgive me, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 07:55:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17914874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMurderousTentmaker/pseuds/TheMurderousTentmaker
Summary: Couldn't come up with a creative title for this, just a massive angst-fest I wrote at 2am while eating a bag of cheez its





	Dreams

Harry Hart was never a man that believed in divinity. God, spirituality, and mysticism had never fared well with him. He was a realist--someone who needed to see something to believe. He was raised in a religious household, but if anything that only guaranteed his aversion to spirituality in the future. Life was far too cruel and mechanical to have room for miracles or supernatural experiences.

That being said, the closest thing he'd discovered in regards to divinity was waking up next to Eggsy. It wasn't a complicated experience, or one that he didn't see often, but every time it felt just as perfect. Their routine had become so deliciously domestic: Harry would wake up first, then Eggsy with his adorable messy hair, and then Harry would stay for a while to enjoy his lover's heat before going to make breakfast. Eggsy always took a significantly longer time to get up in the mornings, which in Harry's opinion was rather ironic given how much more youthful he was than Harry. Today was no different. Harry slowly came back into the real world from his dreams, cuddled close to the warm body next to him. He was always confused by how much warmer Eggsy seemed to be than him. Sleepily nuzzling into the crook of the younger man's neck from behind, he breathed in the remainder of Eggsy's cologne that hadn't dissipated overnight. Eggsy stirred slightly, shifting himself so Harry could put his arms around him. Planting an absentminded kiss to the top of the boy's head, Harry closed his eyes again and elected to sleep in a bit longer than usual.

Suddenly, he was rudely awaked from his blissful half-consciousness by the loud, incessant beeping of the alarm clock on the dresser of their hotel bedroom. A groan came from Eggsy.

"Oi, shut that off, will ya?"

Reaching over, he put an end to the alarm a bit more roughly than might be reasonable for a cheaply-made electronic hotel clock. Of course, the one time he didn't have the energy to get up as early as he usually did, they were on a mission. He felt an rush in his lower regions upon thinking of his activities with Eggsy the night before which kept them up late. Gradually, reality came back to him. They weren't in his(their) home, but a hotel room, on a mission. And they had to be up in the next fifteen minutes to finally make a move on the drug cartel they'd been gathering intel on together for the past two weeks.

"Eggsy," he said reluctantly, laying a hand on his companion's shoulder, "we need to get going."

"Noooooooooo..." Eggsy whined, burying his face into the nearest available pillow. However, a few moments later he was sitting up in the bed, getting dressed.

"The second this job's over we're taking another vacation, got it?"

* * *

Gunshots. Yelling. Running footsteps. Shifting of rubble. Harry ignored all of it as he sprinted through the devastated bunker, neutralizing any enemy soldiers that survived the blast along the way. Navigating through the carnage and collapsed hallways, he once again tuned into his glass comlink.

"Merlin, please tell me you have something." He said, trying to keep his voice level.

"Galahad's glasses are still transmitting his location," the familiar voice of his friend said into his ear, "but the video feed is out and I'm not getting much from the audio."

"How far was he from the blast?"

"He managed to make it away from the worst of the explosion, but..."

"But what?"

"He wasn't able to get out of the lower levels...he may be trapped down there. If so, it's extremely dangerous for you to venture down there when the building is so unstable."

"I'll worry about that, just direct me through the passages to Eg--to Galahad." Harry forced himself to control his breathing. He couldn't panic, not yet. Eggsy was strong, and a survivor if he'd ever seen one. Harry was a Kingsman, and he had to keep his composure if he wanted to help Galahad. He wasn't even quite sure how the mission had gone so horribly wrong. It was a routine operation, one that he and Galahad were used to working together. But suddenly the cartel's evidence on its way to self-destruction via a plethora of explosives, and his partner was desperately sprinting his way out of the compound before the bomb went off. He didn't make it. From what he could tell, Eggsy had a decent chance of surviving, but the unknown nagged at him relentlessly. Harry's glasses alerted him when he was getting closer, the building groaning ominously around him as he made his way further down. Finally, he reached one of the lower floors toward the bottom of the bunker, following the coordinates that Merlin sent to his glasses. His heart was racing, not only because of the physical exertion required to navigate through the heavy rubble in the hallways. Many of the corridors had completely collapsed, forcing him to squeeze through or find another way around. Paying no mind to the grime and dirt now plastered all over him, Harry raced through with parkour that would've made Eggsy proud.

Why were Eggsy's glasses transmitting, but no one was responding over comlink? Eggsy was fine, he assured himself. He had to be. He always was, time and time again, no matter how bad the missions got. Finally, he sprinted to a turn in the hallway. According to his tracking system, Eggsy's glasses showed his location as just around the corner. He almost didn't want to look. Rounding the corner, Harry stopped.

The entire passage was layered with a great deal of rubble, though it could be navigated through. Harry felt a lump in the back of his throat as he gingerly turned on the comlink on his glasses. He didnt even bother with codenames. "Eggsy, are you there?" Just as he feared, his own voice echoed back at him from underneath the rubble. Without a word, he began furiously digging, throwing what he could behind him. Before long, he unearthed Eggsy's glasses. Thankfully, they were mostly underneath smaller pieces of the roof rather than the larger rubble. They must had fallen off during the collapse. Suddenly, he froze. Beneath the heavier rubble in front of him he spotted the familiar color of skin. Dirtied and unmoving, but clearly a hand. Adrenaline kicked in even more than before as he tore through the rubble, exposing more and more of the figure buried underneath. Once he saw the familiar blond hair he knew. As soon as Eggsy's neck was accessible he scrambled with his fingers, searching frantically for a pulse. Eggsy was alive. But as Harry finished unearthing the boy's torso, he realized that the younger man was more trapped than he realized. Although Eggsy's upper body was thankfully only covered in smaller rubble, he was completely pinned down from his lower stomach downwards by a heavy steel beam, face-down in between the remains of the corridor's supports and the floor.

"Merlin, I- I've found him. He's trapped under some heavy rubble...I'm not sure I can move it."

"Alright, just stay calm. Reinforcements will be down there in less than ten minutes. How badly hurt is he?"

"I cant tell...Merlin, I think it's bad, I-"

Suddenly, a faint sound next to him broke his train fo thought. Eggsy's hand began to shift across the floor. The younger man's eyes slowly opened, looking around frantically. Harry squatted down immediately, grabbing his lover's hand.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Harry felt his heart light up with hope when the boy looked up at him, though pinned on his stomach.

"Eggsy, its okay. You're gonna be okay, I'm here now."

"Harry?" Eggsy's voice was small and strained.

"Yeah, it's me." Harry did his best to smile comfortingly. "Help is on its way, just...just hold out for me, okay?"

"H-Harry, I...I cant feel my legs." He could tell Eggsy was trying to keep his voice level, but the immense pain was clear in his eyes. Harry could already feel himself losing control, fighting back tears.

"Shh, just breathe, okay?" He said softly, rubbing circles on Eggsy's hand, "I know it hurts, but you have to push through, okay? You're doing so good. Merlin will be here soon and-...and things will be fine."

"'M sorry, Harry. I fucked up. I w- waited too long to evacuate. I fucked everything up, if I had just-" That was when the tears began to fall, despite Harry's attempts to call upon his years of emotional control practice. He had to believe that Eggsy would be okay. The boy was the most--perhaps even only--precious thing he'd ever had in his life. Eggsy couldn't die--he wouldn't let him. Not after what happened to Lee. He wouldn't let it happen again.

"No, dont say that. Dont you-...its not your fault, Eggsy...you did amazing...you always do." The tears were now streaming freely down the older man's face, his voice thin and wavering. Harry steeled himself. He couldn't lose him. Standing up, he gripped the steel beam tightly. "I'm going to get you out of here, okay?" With that, he lifted with all his might. The beam budged slightly, but he immediately stopped upon hearing the younger man scream in pain. He knew how impressive Eggsy's pain tolerance was, making it that much more awfully jarring.

"Sorry, sorry, I-...I'm so fucking sorry Eggsy, I didnt mean to-"

"Nah...'s okay." Eggsy said as his breathing evened out. "Have another go at it."

"No, I'm not going to risk hurting you."

"Not gonna make things any worse...please, just get this thing off me, okay?" Harry nodded and repositioned himself with his hands under the beam. After a moment of hesitation, he lifted with all his might. Immediately Eggsy was yelling in pain again, but he forced himself to keep going, sliding the beam backwards. Just as his back felt like it would break in two, he got the beam past Eggsy's legs, sliding it off. All the fatigue of lifting disappeared immediately, and he went straight back to the younger man's side, helping to flip him over onto his back. His heart ached at Eggsy's yelp of pain from being moved. That's when he discovered just how bad things were. Looking over the boy he could see clear signs of how severe his injuries were, and he knew Eggsy could see them too. Broken ribs. Likely internal bleeding. Fractured hipbone. And that wasnt even taking into account the damage to Eggsy's spine. Moving him would be absolute torture for the poor boy. And yet, his injuries were too severe for them to stay put for long.

"I- um, I cant move my legs, Harry. I think- I think I might be-"

"Don't worry about that right now, okay? I'm going to get you out of here." Harry checked in with Merlin's rescue team. _Five minutes_.

They would have to wait, Eggsy's injuries were too severe to risk moving him anyways. "Five minutes, dear. Just breathe."

"Tryin'."

The two sat there in silence for a few moments. It was oddly peaceful, the majority of the sounds in the bunker now quite distant.

"Harry," Eggsy said softly, looking over, "can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"You wouldn't...you wouldn't blame yourself if som'fin happened to me, would you?" Harry became nauseous at the very thought. Of course he would. All these years later and there wasnt a day that went by where he didnt blame himself for what happened to Lee. Where he didnt question whether or not he deserved Eggsy--the beautiful boy whose father he'd been responsible for taking away. How could he live with himself if he let the same thing happen again to Lee's son? He had lost so many people, seen so much death, but Eggsy was different. _He had to be_. He was the one person Harry promised himself he would always protect, the one he could keep safe.

"Nothings going to happen to you, darling. You're going to be fine...this is all-"

"But if it did...you wouldnt blame yourself, would you?...because 's not your fault."

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out, so he just stayed quiet, looking away.

"Hey...c-can you hold me? This, um, this floor isn't exactly comfy and all." Eggsy said after a moment of silence, grinning weakly.

Harry nodded, carefully scooping his arms under the smaller frame of the other man. Eggsy winced and grunted as Harry pulled him up into his lap, but settled in after a moment. Harry wanted to hold him tighter, tight enough to his chest that nothing could take him away. Of course, that wasn't possible with his injuries.

"You remember the night you proposed? The one where you took me to that stupid carnival in the city?" Eggsy asked spontaneously, once the pain of being moved subsided.

"Of course." Harry huffed. "An awful butchery of romantic occasions if you ask me."

"God, that was horrible. How long were we in the line for the ferris wheel? Must've been at least an hour. Still ain't forgiven that shady bloke who cheated me out of that stuffed bear at the game booth. And then there was _the rain_..."

"Yes, _the rain_. I truly don't know why I still went forward with the proposal. I could've waited for another time but...I just couldn't wait any longer."

"Yeah...we were both soaking wet hiding from the rain in the car when you pulled out the ring." Eggsy laughed, voice now a whisper as he stared up at the ceiling absentmindedly. "Wasn't even room for you to get on one knee."

"But you still said yes, did you not?"

"Good point." Harry looked down at the matching rings on their fingers.

The two fell silent again.

" _You deserve the fucking world, Harry_. You know that, right?"

"I dont quite underst-"

"You got a habit of being too hard on yourself, Harry. Blaming yourself for things. My dad's one of them...don't blame yourself for this too."

"I should've been right behind you. Should've known about the bomb-"

"Hey, look at me." Eggsy said, locking eyes with the older man. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You've made these past years the best of my life. I wouldn't change anything."

Harry didn't say anything in response. What could he say? Instead he checked in with Merlin again. _Two minutes_ \--the rescue team was already making their way through the bunker. Eggsy was going to make it.

"Just hold on, okay?" He whispered, gently pushing some stray hair out of Eggsy's face, "Merlin's team is almost here. You're going to be okay, just like I told you."

"Yeah...I'm okay...j-...just a little lightheaded...doesn't hurt as much anymore."

* * *

 

A few moments later, he checked in with Merlin again. The team was almost to their position. He breathed a sigh of relief.

Then he noticed. He felt it before he saw it. In the movies it was always portrayed as a slow, surreal, tragic moment with plenty of time to process. And yet, it happened in an instant. No warnings, no last goodbyes. Perhaps peaceful, but horribly abrupt. He felt the moment when the gentle heartbeat under the palm of his hand dropped off. The moment when the rise and fall of Eggsy's chest stilled. The moment when the hand that had been holding onto his relaxed in his grip. Eggsy's eyes were still open, beautiful as ever, but without their usual life. The boy had completely relaxed in his arms. He didn't react at first, refusing to believe. He began calmly searching to a sign of life, running his hands over Eggsy in search of a pulse.

"Eggsy?"

His movements became more frantic as he pressed two fingers onto Eggsy's neck to find a pulse.

"Eggsy?!"

The tears were now flowing freely, clouding his vision, but he refused to give up. Eggsy couldn't die. He wouldn't let him. After everything else was exhausted, he began desperately using CPR. He knew it was useless, deep down, but he wouldn't give up. So he sat there, dripping tears onto Eggsy's shirt as he pumped his hands in the familiar motion he'd learned during military training, periodically pressing his mouth to Eggsy's to manually provide air.

It took him about a minute before he gave up. When the wall finally came down, it came down completely. He broke, slumping over and outright sobbing into Eggsy's chest. He clutched at Eggsy, pulling his lifeless body close, desperate for some kind of touch. But it didn't feel real. He knew it wasn't. Eggsy's body was now already cold and pliant, a farcry from the distinctive warmth he was used to. He didn't quite process it when Merlin's rescue team arrived. It was only moments later but it wasn't until they physically grabbed him that he even realized they were there. He wanted to fight them, keep them from taking Eggsy away from him, but he knew it was pointless.

* * *

 

SIX MONTHS LATER. The funeral was brief and sweet, by all means. But it was plastic, a manufactured markoff on a long list of names that had fallen in the name of Kingsman. Merlin tried to comfort him in whatever ways he could, but he at least knew Harry well enough to know that it was no use. Roxy did her best as well, but the truth was that she wasnt much better than he was.

The night of the funeral, he ignored Merlin's worried invitations to chat, heading home.

"You shouldnt be alone right now."

"I have to be, sooner or later. I'll be fine."

He couldn't bear to look at JB as he walked through the door. As he settled into bed, he closed his eyes and willed himself to another place. That night his dreams were different from the usual nightmares, thankfully. He dreamed of bright blue eyes and a irresistible smile. He dreamed of gracefully dancing to 80s hits at their wedding. He dreamed of messy morning hair and lazy Sunday mornings. But as always, he eventually woke up.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't judge my writing based on this
> 
> This shit was a MESS oof


End file.
